Across The Universe
by LostWolfGirl
Summary: Ethan Cameron and Elena Black's story, part of the yay4shanghai universe
1. Chapter 1

Title: Across the Universe

Published: 07-14-09, Updated: 10-21-09

Chapters: 10, Words: 16,138

A/N: This was written as a sons fic, based on Beatles songs. Each chapter is short so it can be read during the duration of the song. It revolves around Jared and Kim's son who imprinted on Jake and Nessie's daughter Elena. This is not a standalone piece and you will need to read The Pathetic Ramblings of a Homosexual Werewolf at a minimum before reading this.

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 _Chapter 1: And I Love Her_

 _"I give her all my love, that's all I do._

 _And if you saw my love, you'd love her too._

 _I love her."_

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 **Ethan**

The line between loving and being in love was so thin I don't know when I crossed it.

I never thought growing up that I could ever love anyone the way I loved Trisha. I felt for her before I even knew what love and sex were, Trisha was my life… and I continued to love her. She would always hold a part of my heart, so how could I have ever imagined that I would feel the kind of love twice?

It was a bittersweet kind of jackpot to have fallen for the two most beautiful girls I have ever known, but not being able to have either. I probably don't deserve either of them, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I cherish every moment I had with Trisha. I never took any of that for granted, nor would I diminish the fortune I had been blessed with by imprinting on Elena.

I'm a fuck up. A world famous, notoriously hated fuck up, and crossing the line into love was on the top of my list of world class mistakes. I never wanted to. I never wanted to fall for Elena. People would think that this was the natural course, that I was expecting or planning for it, but for me it was never supposed to be the arrangement. I didn't make her a promise bracelet or buy her a ring or any other type of jewelry that the imprinters bought for their girls. For me the most important thing was and is her happiness.

Elena is my savior, my salvation, my everything. My world may have grown exponentially with the introduction of higher education, travel and ancient vampires who were always open for intelligent debates, but in a sense it remained as small as La Push, because I didn't see much outside of Elena. There was no way not to be affected by her, or at least that's how I justified it to myself, because it wasn't just me or the Cullens. Elena was a powerhouse. Her very presence could move people as I had seen more than once at peace rallies and protests. Elena, simply put, inspired.

Carlisle, my mentor, my inspiration to live the rest of my life fighting for the good of humanity, my only close father figure, Carlisle—he believed it was Elena's vampire ability. Like a variation of Nessie's ability to let everyone in, a reverse shield, Carlisle speculated that Elena was unwillingly a magnet, attracting people in such a way that they wanted to be with her. So there. I have an excuse, I couldn't help but fall in love with her.

I have seen a lot of imprinting craziness in my life, from my father's inability to properly use birth control, to my own involvement in the most problematical imprint in recorded pack history. What I learned from it all was that my feelings as the imprinter were not the important part. She, who ever that she may be for you, was all that mattered. So as she went from an adorable little girl to stunningly beautiful teen I tried not to think about how her long hair brushed the deep indent of her back, or how her eyes got lighter when she wore certain colors.

Now that she was fully matured and I spent half of my energy controlling my feelings for her, meditating, reading and mastering my energy through tai chi, and the other half imagining how amazing it would be to have her, while damning myself for doing so.

She was more than beautiful, though her beauty was the kind you could write poetry about (if you were good at that kind of thing), she was incredible. Smarter than anyone I knew, she wasn't only an encyclopedia of knowledge she was also wise, wise beyond her years. I trusted and respected her opinion above all others, she is always the first person I go to whenever I have a problem. And I love her. After everything that went through with Trisha I didn't want to say those words ever again, but I did.

Elena is compassionate and fiery. She doesn't just listen to me talk about my causes, she takes an interest. Being part of the Cullen family has allowed me so many things I never had before, and one of those things was being able to fight for all of the causes I had felt strongly about; from Tibetan freedom to the eradication of the death penalty. The rest of the Cullens supported me with money and praise, but Elena was the only one who really asked questions—who got down and dirty and did something other than write a check. She invests herself fully in all of my ventures… and I love her.


	2. Chapter 2

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 _Chapter 2: In My Life_

 _"Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before._

 _I know I'll often stop and think about them, in my life I love you more."_

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 **Elena**

My tenth birthday came and went, the birthday that my great grand-père Carlisle, announced would be my last. My last real birthday at least, in the sense that from that point on I would no longer continue to grow like normal humans do. This of course was all optimistic conjecture because, while I was not one of a kind any more, I was the first human/vamp/werewolf mix, and we had no idea what would happen to me.

It was this uncertainty that made me anxious, made me want to live everyday like it could be my last. I wanted to learn, live and love, no matter how clichéd that sounded. I was in love, I had been in love for almost two years but baggage, insecurity, and awkwardness kept our relationship from advancing to anything more than it was, which was the very best of friendships. I couldn't stand to lose that, with so much of my life clouded with uncertainty it was nice having one thing I knew would never fail, my friendship with Ethan, so I didn't push it.

Everything was up in the air but not Ethan, he was and is my rock. Would I join the ranks of female werewolves, or more correctly shapeshifters, or would I stay the same ole tiny me? Would the vampire fourth of me be strong enough to keep me frozen at this stage forever or would I continue to age? And if I continued to age would my aging continue to be amplified to the point where my life was halved?

That possibilities honestly terrified me, it shouldn't have. I had read and seen enough of the world to know that life does and generally should end. I don't fear death, and moreover who was I to want or feel entitled to something as precious as eternal life? It's a privilege really, one that had to be held with a sense of responsibility, and honestly if I weren't surrounded by immortals, I don't think I would want it. But it was harder not to pray for it when I knew that my life was inextricably linked to another, so that my death would bring about his.

Ethan. My Ethan was destined for great things, the world was a better place with him in it. So I prayed to all the gods and goddesses for immortality on my tenth birthday, so that the world would always have an Ethan. My Ethan.

My big day flew by, a grand celebration where the one thing I wanted more than anything, to hold Ethan's hand like a girlfriend and not a female friend, didn't happen. Yes, he held my hand at my request, but I didn't want to have to request, I wanted him to just take it, hold it because he wanted to, because he wanted a physical connection to match our spiritual and mental one. I wanted him to smother my hand with his, maybe intertwine our fingers or caress the side of my hand with his thumb like I've seen my father do with my mother so many times. If he grabbed my hand, then I knew I wasn't trapping him, I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I wanted him to claim me. I needed it.

But ten passed me by, so did eleven with less than a centimeter of growth and not a sign of phasing, my prayers had been answered… well, most of them. Now that it seemed I was blessed with eternal life, I still had the Great Wall of China sized barrier that separated Ethan and I. I thought at first that maybe it was propriety, I was still only ten so I casually asked Rosalie about my mother and father's courtship to make some sort of guideline, and it put me into a weeklong depression. My mom fully matured at seven, but they barely made it to six before they're relationship progressed. I was fully grown, small but fully matured and he didn't notice.

So I made it my goal to make him notice me. If I was going after any other guy I would have worshipped at the church of Alice, covering myself in makeup and getting a new wardrobe to highlight my curves, but that wouldn't work with Ethan. So I read a library of books, literally, every book he read, I read. I learned about an ocean of social injustices, every organization he sent money to, I doubled. Every protest he attended, I made banners for, but nothing sparked, at least, not for him. I fell more in love with him than before, but I still went unnoticed.

If I had to pinpoint a problem, the bricks or at least the mortar that made up the wall between us, I would say it was Trisha. My cousin and his first, although doomed, love. I don't think he still loves her, not in the way he did before, but I couldn't think of any other reason for the distance.

Most girls would probably blame themselves, but I don't. Maybe I should. Maybe it's big-headed of me to be blind to something in me, which caused him to be adverse to our union. I know it doesn't matter to him, but I'm pretty enough and I have a healthy self-esteem. I'm not ashamed of that. Too many girls and women live their life ashamed to admit that they are beautiful for fear of being labeled as a diva or a narcissist.

I hadn't seen or spoken to Trisha since the day Ethan imprinted on me. I was sure she wouldn't want to speak with me and she hadn't proven me wrong by reaching out to me in the eight years since. So I don't know who she is or who she was or what she had that I didn't, and I don't think I truly know the extent of their connection. I did know it was stronger than ours, physically of course, but I didn't know if our friendship was as unique or special to him as it was to me.

Sometimes, no matter how sure of myself I am, I damn her. I have no right to, I ruined something that I'm sure she cherished, but I damn her for having a part of Ethan that I didn't. Other times, when I was not seething in quiet jealousy or feeling guilty, I wished I could call her. I wished that I could pick up the phone and just ask her, beg her really— beg her to dig down deep, past hurt and resentment and share with me all of the things I might never experience firsthand. What was it like to kiss his pouty lips, I would ask her. How did it feel to have him look at you with his big puppy dog eyes and know for sure that there was no woman he would rather be with?

I was twelve when I stopped trying, when I gave up on four years of pining. It was around the age that normal human girls start having crushes when I decided to stop waiting, to start living my life. The year I decided to I enter university. My mother home schooled me for many years because of my rapid growth, so now was my time to really enter the world, make friends outside of my family and find someone who I could spend my immortality with. Four years was a long time to wait, long enough for me to know he didn't feel the same, so it was time for me to become a part of society and see was the world had to offer me.

Ethan had already been down the road of academia, obtaining his Bachelor's in Liberal Arts and a Masters in Philosophy, so my journey to become a scholar was to be traveled alone. Not entirely alone, I moved to France to live with my Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper. I didn't know if Ethan would follow, but he did and a huge part of me was glad. I knew he could live without me, he had for so many years before, but I wasn't sure if I could live without him—because, although our arrangement was not like the imprints before me, it was still special. He was my world, and even though I wanted to broaden it, I still wanted him to be a part of it.

I would take his friendship, the most precious thing I owned, and cherish it as I moved on to the next stage in my life.


	3. Chapter 3

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 _Chapter 3: I Want to Hold Your Hand_

 _"And when I touch you I feel happy inside._

 _It's such a feeling that my love, I can't hide."_

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 **Elena**

"What's he like, Lena?" Alice asked in a sing song voice as I entered the kitchen for breakfast.

"Who?" I asked grabbing a green, half ripe grapefruit from the table. I'm only one fourth vampire but that doesn't mean it doesn't affect my diet. My mother had to work really hard to not drink blood but I wasn't really all that tempted, I did have peculiar taste buds though. I liked the extremes: hot peppers and hot sauces that would burn some people just by smelling, extra salty pretzels and beef jerky, or my favorite; sour. I mean very sour, like unripe grapefruits, limes and lemons, but I don't do sweet. My dad says it's because I'm extra sweet already, but he's just cheesy like that sometimes.

"The guy you're going to ask out. He's cute… he's going to say yes by the way," Alice said popping a cup of blood in the microwave. We live in Paris, not known for its rich hunting possibilities, meaning Alice and Jasper get day-to-day feedings from the butcher shop, much to Jasper's chagrin. Jasper preferred not to eat at all, letting his eyes get deathly black before he ran off, going on hunting binges in the north.

"I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to ask him yet," I whispered, but it was no use, Ethan was already striding in the kitchen going straight to the bread box and using his hands to rip off a large chunk of a fresh baguette. We lived in a penthouse apartment in central Paris, with a loving maid who fully stocked our fridge and cabinets three days a week. This was a necessary expenditure considering Ethan and I both ate three times more than normal people did; my only inherited wolf tendency.

"Well, subconsciously you have, and he's going to say yes, and you're going to go to a café. You should make sure to wear your blue cardigan, it's going to be chilly," she said quickly, not looking at Ethan as she spoke. It was an awkward situation all around, Ethan looking out the window, Alice fidgeting with her cup. The giant pink elephant in the room was screaming but like always Ethan didn't seem to notice.

"I'm going to do Tai Chi on the roof, wanna join me?" He asked with a serene face that made me angry. How could he hear that I was going on a date and not be even a little upset?

If I heard he was going on a date with someone, I'd want to gouge her eyes out. I might go to peace rallies with Ethan, but put someone between us, and she wouldn't be there long. Maybe that was selfish of me. When I came to France, even though I came totting Ethan, I planned to move past this will-we-won't-we tango and get a life, but I didn't want him to do the same. In fact, I more than didn't want it, the very thought of Ethan with someone else made me physically sick.

I couldn't actually imagine what it would be like to be with him in that way, but I already know what it's was like to see him with someone else. I had seen the pictures, heard the stories of his adventures with Trisha—and even though I begged him to tell them to me again, like a stupid bedtime story, a chronicle of misguided lovers, the story always made my stomach hurt. His light nostalgic retellings always made me hate her just a little, however irrational that was.

"I have class," I said quickly turning to leave. He grabbed my arm as I made my exit and the knotting, stomach dropping, heart pounding sensation was so overwhelming I pulled away, smoothing out my shirt and glancing back at him with the straightest face I could muster.

"Good luck with… what's his name?" Ethan asked with a smile.

"Maurice," I said dryly. He let go of me and dashed up the stairs of our penthouse apartment, returning with my baby blue cashmere cardigan.

"Stay warm," he whispered, whipping his shirt off and heading back towards the rooftop garden Alice had set up for him to meditate and read. It was his own personal space, decked out like the forests of La Push complete with large extremely realistic fake trees and a circular meadow with wild flowers. Alice made it for Ethan because she knew that leaving our scenic home in Italy was hard for him and she wanted to make his life in the big city easier. Alice was one of the most amazing women in the world and that small gesture of compassion for my werewolf made her a goddess in my eyes.

I watched him go, memorizing the cut and valleys of his chest and back. His body was like art, sleek and toned and I longed to touch him.

Alice was right about Maurice, she always was. I had coffee with him not far from campus after our Sociology class, sitting at a table outside where the blue cardigan came in handy. He walked me home, his cold clammy hand clinging to mine as we made our way down the busy street. I let him kiss me, my first kiss, but it didn't feel right; leaving me colder and surlier than when I left. I wanted Ethan, I wanted his hand. I wanted his everything.

Ethan, Jasper and Alice were waiting for me when I returned from my first ever official date. Alice was beaming with excitement, Ethan sat to her left smiling warmly as Jasper evaluated me with a secret smirk. I loved him, he had a place in my heart so large it could be called a significant percentage, but sometimes his gift was annoying.

"Tell us everything!" Alice squealed practically bouncing off her seat.

"There's not much to tell. We went to a café by campus, he walked me home… and kissed me," I said slowly, watching Jasper who sat still, his eyes moving between Ethan and I. Ethan continued smiling, not even a raised eyebrow. I wanted to stand on the table and kick him in the face, I had never in my life met someone so infuriating. Why did he have to go against everything, why couldn't he for once just give in? Give in to our imprint and be happy with me.

"I'm tired, and I have a bunch to read. I'm going to call it a night," I said standing. Jasper winked at me, sending me a whammy of calm so strong I felt for a second like I was on some psychedelic drug. I smiled at him and swayed to my room, collapsing on the bed after changing into my pajamas which consisted of comfy black yoga pants and a deep purple tank top.

Ethan and I had taken up yoga since being in the city, a luxury we did not have in our home outside of Venice which was small and secluded. Ethan found it extremely relaxing, but being in a room with a half naked, flexing Ethan had the opposite effect on me; making my heart beat at such a pace he got worried about my health.

I tried to read the assigned works but couldn't concentrate, retreating to the rooftop garden where I found Ethan, knees cradled to his chest like he did when he thought of home. I instantly forgot that I was angry with him, he had lost a lot in his life—I couldn't imagine even for one second not seeing my mom every other weekend or talking to my aunts or grandparents whenever I liked.

"When was the last time you talked to Taylor," I asked, startling him as I slinked up from behind, wrapping my arms and legs around him, resting my chin on his shoulder. It had been a few years since our physical closeness had stopped, but seeing him like this, worried and alone broke down those barriers momentarily.

"Hmm?" He gave me a questioning stare, turning his head ever so slightly so that I was close enough to examine the outline of his lips.

"You're curled up in a ball. That usually means you miss your family," I said closing my eyes and pressing my cheek against his shoulder, spreading my legs wider and pulling myself closer so that I was flush against his back, inhaling his licorice and spice scent, fresh from the source: his neck.

"Oh yeah, umm… I talked to Taylor a few days ago," he said absentmindedly, brushing his fingertips against the back of my hands which were clinging to his torso.

"Oh. So, what are you thinking about?" I asked opening my eyes and turning my face upward so I could see him more clearly. He was even more beautiful in the moonlight, the fake trees around us casting dramatic shadows across his strong jaw.

"Life and death," he said vaguely.

"Life and death. Well, that's a pretty broad subject," I smiled, my bottom lip brushing his bare shoulder.

"Yeah, well, I guess I have a long time to think about it," he said sagely.

"Ethan," I don't know what I was going to say, my lips just want to say his name.

"Yes, Chipmunk?" he inquired, turning his face so that I could feel his warm breath against my lips.

"Is it okay that I'm dating?" I don't know why I asked. It wasn't like me and furthermore it wasn't for him to say what I could and could not do, but I needed to know all the same.

"Yes, of course, Elena. Why wouldn't it be? This imprinting thing," I gasped when he said it. We didn't talk about it, almost like it was a taboo.

"This imprint is only what you want it to be. I respect you and whatever you choose to do with your life, including the men you date. You're smart and beautiful, if Maurice didn't work out, you'll find someone who does. Just remember you'll always be my Chipmunk, so as long as you're happy, so am I," he said with a lopsided smile, my heart swelled and deflated instantly. I stupidly thought that maybe he would admit that he felt what I did. I let go of him scrambling up from the grassy area and rushing towards the door. He was blocking it in seconds.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I need some sleep."

"Elena," he whispered, holding his hand out to touch me, I recoiled.

"What?" I said rudely, not looking him in the eye.

"Are you okay with dating?"

"I'm great! Fine! Perfect!" I said unconvincingly.

"You don't have to rush into anything. No one is timing you. You have forever to figure out what you want," he said reaching for me again. I slid my face into his outstretched hands, closing my eyes and marveling in the warmth.

"I know what I want," I whispered my eyes still glued shut.

"What do you want, Chipmunk?" He asked with an edge of concern in his voice. I opened my eyes taking the deepest most life changing breath of my life.

"I want to hold your hand."


	4. Chapter 4

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 _Chapter 4: Misery_

 _"I've lost her now for sure,_

 _I won't see her no more,_

 _It's gonna be a drag misery."_

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 **Ethan**

"Ethan, you know you could always text message her and stop her from going on the date," Alice's voice cut through my reverie and I realized that while I was supposed to be doing my morning tai chi regiment I hadn't moved at all, standing completely still for, from what I could gather by the position of the sun, at least two hours.

"Why would I do that, Alice?" I asked, turning to look at her. She was sparkling like a diamond from the spatters of sunlight filtering through the artificial trees of our replica garden.

"Because you're in love with her," she said simply.

"Doesn't mean I should ruin her fun."

"Her fun? Ethan, you're an idiot!" Alice cried her little stone fist colliding hard with my arm.

"Ow! I don't—I don't wanna talk about this again."

We had had this talk more than once, Alice hounding me to stake some sort of claim on Elena. It was mind-boggling to me how a hundred or so year old woman felt it necessary for me to take away a woman's right to choose. I was here, ready and available for Elena, but I had lost, she had found someone she liked and it wasn't me. Lost to some Portuguese douche named Maurice. What a stupid name.

"Fine. You know what I see in her future, Ethan?"

"What Alice? What do you see?" I asked roughly. I didn't actually want to know, but I knew she would tell me anyways.

"Not you! You know why? Because you're being entirely unreasonable," she huffed, a waft of her sickeningly sweet smell overpowering me and forcing me to take a step back.

"You couldn't see me anyways," I said as cheerfully as possible, passing her on my way to the door.

I don't know why I was getting upset about this. I couldn't have honestly believed she wouldn't find someone else. I always focused on her not being with me, about her being herself and living her life without standing in her way, I never allowed myself to think about her actually being with someone else.

Maurice.

I really wanted to see him.

Curiosity and not jealousy made me track her, and I mean it was part of my job as her imprint. Serve and protect like the police. So I crouched, hiding behind an empty kiosk that sold stupid Paris souvenirs as I watched and listened to them across the road.

He was handsome, better looking than me, but I expected as much. I tried to watch him objectively or at least like a father and not like a jealous ex-boyfriend but my grip on the wooden kiosk was manic, turning one of the corners into a pile of splinters. I ran at almost top speed to our apartment, avoiding questions and sitting numbly at Jasper and Alice's side as we waited for her to return.

"Tell us everything!" Alice squealed practically bouncing off her seat next to me. Elena looked at me then back at Alice before she spoke.

"There's not much to tell. We went to a café by campus, he walked me home… and kissed me." I wasn't prepared for that, the pain in my stomach, but I continued to smile, even as she excused herself and went to bed.

"Can you stop with that wounded puppy look already?" Alice said standing.

"She's going to leave if you keep being such a moron." I didn't even bother with responding, I just dashed up the stairs and onto the rooftop garden, my only place to be alone.

Alone.

If she was married would I be able to find someone else, someone who would love me without question? Or was this my second round of punishment for Trisha; living entirely, completely and utterly alone, no friends, no family for the rest of my life. If she got married though, surrounded by loving vampires and someone who really loved her, then maybe that would be a good time for me to bow out. My life has sort of sucked until this point. No, I'm over exaggerating, with all the horrors I've seen in this world I know that what I've lived would be like heaven to others, but it's not something that I would like to prolong forever. Immortality is a big commitment.

When I was young I really thought that I wanted to live forever. I wanted to be a wolf and protect La Push and all of the strong people in it, everyone part of this same ancient culture. But I'm not that same guy. And seeing Elena completely happy and safe would be enough for me now, the only thing I needed before I gave up on this long weary life.


	5. Chapter 5

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 _Chapter 5: Yesterday_

 _"I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday._

 _Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play,_

 _Now I need a place to hide away."_

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 **Elena**

"You don't have to rush into anything. No one is timing you. You have forever to figure out what you want," he said reaching for me again. I slid my face into his outstretched hands, closing my eyes and marveling in the warmth.

"I know what I want," I whispered my eyes still glued shut.

"What do you want, Chipmunk?" He asked with an edge of concern in his voice. I opened my eyes taking the deepest most life-changing breath of my life.

"I want to hold your hand."

Sometimes, no, most of the time, I open my mouth I cause some sort of trouble. You would think I would have learned better by now, but I'm an idiot.

I backed away from the man-made clearing, the moon directly above me shone bright as he slowly walked forward. His body, similar to my grandfather Edward's but longer, moved gracefully, like a vampire; he slid places. He slid towards me, his hands to his sides his tan skin glistening like my mother in the sun. I held my breath as I looked up anxious to see his face. The look I found there answered every fear I had. His blank and expressionless stare breaking down all the courage I had built up.

I had ruined the one certain and perfect thing in my life and all I wanted was to go back to the way it was yesterday before I had stupidly played at kissing and trying to fall in love with someone else. I belonged completely and entirely to Ethan and I would rather have lived forever with unrequited love and unconditional friendship then to have to live with this look of pity.

I giggled, a nervous uncomfortable giggle that sound more like a sob and ran to the door he didn't stop me, he stepped aside with a sigh. I flew into my room and pulled out my carry-on suitcase. I had never packed like this, the exhilarating rush of escape, throwing whatever you felt like you couldn't live without because you weren't sure if you would return. Ethan had done it twice in his life and while he always glossed over this part, the electrifying thrill of the getaway, I loved it. I didn't think about the rejection, I thought only of home, of my home with my Mom and my Dad, my Auntie Rosalie and Uncle Emmett. I was running to Emmett, to his bear-hugs and infectious laughter.

"You're leaving," Ethan whispered from his seat near the front door.

"Yeah," a one word answer was all I had the energy for right now.

"Elena I—you don't—I don't know how to do this," he whispered, playing with his hands.

"Do what Ethan? I'm not asking you to marry me Ethan, I just want to know that you feel this," I pleaded pointing between us.

"Elena, when Trisha and I—"

"God! Don't talk about her! Just don't even say that name around me. I hate that name. It's a stupid name for a stupid girl and I'm tired of hearing about her and thinking about her and… just fuck her!" Again, every time I open my mouth...

"Elena if it weren't for Trisha I wouldn't even be here, she…"

"She what Ethan? What are you saying? My dad brought you here, you wanted to be here," I stammered, my head reeling. I had always held to the notion that he left her for me, that he had given her up for me, and so even if he didn't want to have sex with me he loved me more. I didn't know if I wanted to hear otherwise, I wasn't sure I could survive it.

"Jake brought me but Trisha, let me go. I wouldn't have left her after everything we went through, everything we lost. She let me go so that I could be with you," he said pulling his hair out of his eyes. And this is what heart break felt like. I had read about it, seen it in movies and on TV but the feeling was much stronger than I imagined, like someone punched their arm through my stomach and ripped my heart out, puncturing my lungs in the process so that I couldn't breathe.

"Then I'll do you the same favor. You're free, Ethan, just go home and be with your family," I whispered, my throat constricting nastily as I put my hand on the doorknob.

"Elena, you're my family. You're the only person I have left."

"And I shouldn't be. You've taken the blame for too long, go home and get your absolution," I said, cracking the door open and taking one last look at him.

"Elena," he whispered my name but stopped himself.

"Don't follow me this time, Ethan," I called back opening the door wider.

"Okay," he whispered and I was out the door and in the elevator hyperventilating.

Alice was waiting for me at the foyer of our apartment building, she held a designer hand bag that was not even remotely appropriate for my outfit of yoga pants, flip-flops and tank top, but for once, she didn't comment.

"I'm going to miss you," she said, forcing the hand bag under my arm.

"I'll miss you, too," I said pinching the brim of my nose, hoping that the tears I was holding in, the tears I could feel building in my heart and in my stomach, would stay away.

"Then don't go. This is your home, Elena," she sobbed and I knew if she could cry she would be.

"I need to see my mom," the cracking discomfort in my throat was better than tears but it was still bad.

"Then go, see her, but come back. You can't run away every time something doesn't go your way. And Ethan… he won't be able to survive long without you," she said wiping a stray tear from the corner of my eye.

"You can't see that, Alice, he's a werewolf."

"I don't need to see his future to know he loves you and being away from you is going to be hard for him," she said pulling me into a hug. Alice like me, was a small girl and hugging her always felt so right.

"But he's not in love with me, Alice. I just… need some time."

"Just because he's not showy like your father or Emmett doesn't mean his feelings mean any less… there are many different kinds of love," she whispered, looking up as Jasper came to her side.

"He's still in love with her."

"Darling, he hasn't talked to her in eight years, and from what Jake says, she's moved on, she has her own life," Jasper said patting me gently on the head.

"And imprint or not, there is no way he could love some little tart from La Push more than you," Alice said, with a pinch of mirth. It was good having Alice on my side, but I didn't join in because no matter how much I wanted to hate her, I couldn't hate someone who had made it possible for me to have Ethan in my life, no matter how short term it was. My stomach clenched tighter, and I could smell him, his scent lingered on my tank top.

"Alice," I pleaded, I couldn't stay here. I couldn't be near him now, I was humiliated beyond belief, hurting so bad I could think straight.

"Be safe," Alice caved, kissing me on the cheek and walking back towards the elevator, leaving me to grab a taxi and head towards the airport.


	6. Chapter 6

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 _Chapter 6: Across the Universe_

 _"Pools of sorrow waves of joy, are drifting through my open mind,_

 _Possessing and caressing me."_

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 **Elena**

My mom is one of the most outstanding women in the entire planet. I don't say this just because she's my mother, but she literally knows everything, so I can't for the life of me explain how or why she and aunt Rosalie are so close, but they are. There's nothing wrong with Rosalie, she has always been amazingly sweet to me, she's just vastly different from me and from my mother, Renesmee.

Although I love her, I think my real problem with Rosalie might stem from her treatment of Ethan, which, when she wasn't careful, could be considered less than amicable. But maybe that was what I needed right now, a few snide remarks about "snoopy" might make me feel better, but I hadn't had the guts to prod her in the two weeks I've been back.

Her husband Emmett was always nice to Ethan. He's one of my three favorite men on the planet, after Ethan and my father of course. Actually my world was filled with amazing men, and during my two weeks back home, I had time to reevaluate those relationships. My family members were all paired off like Noah's ark but the world didn't work that way. I had this romanticized image of love, this idea of soulmates—most people though, live their lives loving many people to varying degrees.

Ethan was mystically bound to me, but that didn't mean he was the only one for me. Trisha proved that before I was even born. She had an imprint and Ethan, and both of those loves worked. I had resolved to move to France and start my life but I was still holding on to this idea that Ethan and I were destined to be. But I don't believe in destiny, I never did with the exception of Ethan and that's reckless and childish. It wasn't rational.

My feeling for him were animalistic, I'm fully developed, and if imprinting was for procreation, then this desire had had less to do with my friendship and attraction to him, then it did with my need to reproduce. It was nature and I could overcome that.

"Do you need anything, sweetheart?" Rosalie asked, gliding into the garage where I was simultaneously checking the fuel pump and analyzing my supposed love. I used the car's bumper to slide myself back from under the car, where I was lying on a piece of wood with rolling wheels like a skateboard that my father made for Rosalie to use when she was fixing the cars.

"No, I'm fine, I just want to check them all out. Nothing big, promise," I said smiling. She left me to the line-up. I don't really like driving, I prefer sitting in the passenger's side or working under the hood. My father Jake though, who had humble beginnings, did indulge in the family obsession of cars. In a house of four adults, they had somehow collected twelve cars between them, although two of them, the more modest of the twelve, were Ethan and I's.

I laid back rolling myself back under the car, it was Ethan's and almost immediately after sliding under the car, I smelled him. The smell was strong and it immediately made me feel warm and comfortable, and when I thought that maybe I wouldn't feel that again, I started to cry. No one was here so I let it go, I released all of the tears I been holding in since I left Paris. I tried to stay quiet, with supernatural hearing all around I knew they would come rushing in if they heard even the softest sob.

I stayed under the car, my hand pressed firmly over my mouth trying not to make noise, it felt like I was exhaling for the first time. The sobs were already escaping, I couldn't hold them in. I heard someone enter and I tried to stop but I couldn't, my breathing uneven and harsh. I was so embarrassed of my outburst I wouldn't come out from under the car, I just stayed lying flat trying to calm myself as whoever entered the room stood in the corner breathing silently.

"Is something wrong with my car?" Ethan's voice was soft and joking but shaky. I stayed under the car, tears streaming down my eyes and into my hair. His footsteps were steady and purposeful, his tall body making a shadow on the cement floor next to my feet which I stared at unsure of what to do.

"Fuel pump," I sobbed, horrified at how stupid I sounded. I swallowed hard.

"I told you not to follow," I tried to sound hard but it all sound like a mumbled mess.

"I'm sorry I… I just can't be away from you for that long," he sighed kneeling in front of the car next to me, his hand settling on my leg which was jutting out the front of the car.

"Ethan, I—"

"Can you get out from under there, please?" He asked his hand sending fiery shocks up my side until it settled on my hip.

"I don't want to," I said, pouting like a child. I couldn't see myself, but I knew I would be red, puffy and disgusting.

"Chipmunk, I need to see you," he whispered, making me shiver. I'd never heard him speak to me like that before, so deep and emotional. I lay still, frozen in place and his grip tightened pulling me forward so I rolled quickly out from under the car. I sat up leaning against the bumper and unzipping the top of my green oil stained workman's jumpsuit.

He was more beautiful then I remembered. In the last eight years I hadn't been away from him for more than a few days at a time, seeing him now instantly released the tight painful knot in my stomach and without my permission forced another stream of tears to fall from my eyes.

I frantically wiped at them, my greased hands making oily tracks on my face. He whipped up, crossing the room and coming back with a tub of baby wipes, a smell I associated with my father because he used them when he was working on the cars.

"You got a little…" He pulled out one of the small wipes gently wiping at my cheek. I held my breath as he cleaned my face, examining the perfect arch of his eyebrow and the thick charcoal black of his lashes, avoiding his big mahogany brown eyes.

He pulled out another fresh wipe taking my hands between his and rubbing vigorously until the black sooty smudges were all gone, leaving them clean and clasped together between his. Even his hands were beautiful, big and russet like my fathers, with long thick fingers and knotted knuckles. He threw the wipe aside, keeping my two clasped hands in one of his.

"I hate seeing you cry," he sighed, absent mindedly running his thumb along the outside of my hand.

"I wasn't crying," I said looking away.

"Yes you were," he smirked, the corner of his pouty lips turning up mischievously.

"Fine."

"You're my best friend...I don't know what's happening, and I want to give you whatever you need, but I'm begging you not to push me away… I have nowhere else to go," he said dropping my hands and covering his face.

Since I had gotten breast there was this self inflicted physical barrier between us. We didn't sleep together anymore, the best sleep in the world, snuggled into his chest surrounded in his scent. He rarely hugged me and he only held my hand when I requested, and most of those times, he would hold it limply and swing them like a mom with her child.

When I saw him like this though, I could care less about boobs or sexual tension, all that mattered was that he felt better. I knelt in front of him unzipping and removing the top half of my dirty jumpsuit, pulling his hands away from his face and wrapping them around my waist, forcing him into a hug.


	7. Chapter 7

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 _Chapter 7: Oh Darling_

 _"Oh! Darling, if you leave me,_

 _I'll never make it alone."_

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 **Ethan**

"Do you know what you're going to do now?" Jasper asked from across the coffee table, he was sitting like a statue watching me as I sat at the computer half-assedly booking flights from Paris to Washington, Canada, China, Iceland and a dozen other locations I chose at whim. I would get as far as selecting the flight, and I even once started entering my credit card number before I hit the back button.

"Washington, I guess. I think, um… Annabelle's 13th birthday is coming up. I haven't seen her since she was like five so maybe I can sneak into town for a while, stay with Leah and Amber in Seattle till… I don't know."

The prospect of living with Leah and my sister, who still wouldn't talk to me after I abandoned her for half her childhood, was the best prospect I had of not living alone forever.

"Ethan, while I find it fascinating watching you torture yourself, how much longer do you think you're going to keep this up?" Jasper asked drumming his fingers rhythmically on the table top.

"I'm fine Jasper," I sighed. I was tired of people asking if I was okay. Carlisle, Taylor, Edward, Solace and Jake had all called me or visited me, each with varying degrees of concern. I didn't even want to know how Taylor and Solace got involved, but I was done with their worried voices and sympathetic head nods.

"Ethan, I don't usually get involved in these matters but it's upsetting my Alice so I think I have to," he said crossing his long arms over his chest.

"Jasper, I respect you but this isn't just my decision. Elena doesn't want me around anymore and I'm—"

"Ethan, you're not respecting her wishes so stop the denial. You know just as well as any of us that she wants you. She's in love with you, she basically came right out and said it and you rejected her, so you have brought this on yourself."

"Okay," I said happy at least that he didn't pity me.

"So…"

"So what? What do you want me to do, Jasper? What do you suggest?" My voice was getting higher pitched by the second.

"Well, I personally don't care, but Emmett would like me to tell you to 'stop being a pussy and go get her!', and I think for once, I have to agree with Emmett."

"I'm not being a… pussy." He stared at me with hungry Jasper eyes and I tried not to visibly shudder, but when his eyes got black like that I couldn't help but get nervous.

"Okay, can you tell me what you're doing then, exactly?" he asked, turning his head to the side as if to examine me like a piece of abstract art.

"She told me not to follow her," I said defensively.

"Because you wouldn't tell her how you feel," he shot back.

"Because… I don't—I don't know," I didn't have an answer for that. I didn't know how to express what I was doing, because honestly I didn't know. Elena had turned my world upside down and I wasn't ready for it.

The only experience I ever had with love was disastrous, and it ended so badly, I lost my two best friends and my family. In return I got Elena, and the Cullens and I didn't want to lose that too. If I couldn't keep her or if she found someone better and chose to send me away I had no other choice but to obey and where would I go? My father still blamed me, the pack didn't want or need me, and I had no other friends.

"I know that things didn't work out too well for you last time you were in a relationship but, you can't just give up before you even get started. You owe it to Elena… Trisha too, she's moved on and she's happy, and I know she would want the same for you." Jasper didn't really talk like this much, or at all really, but he was right. He was so right I felt like an even bigger idiot.

I stood so quickly my chair flipped back, I threw an apology over my shoulder and ran. I hadn't phased for a while, it felt better than I remembered the electrifying energy that ran through every part of my body. I tried to plan a speech something to say to her but as I got closer, running from the morning into the late afternoon, her smell engulfed me in such a way I lost it. I hadn't seen her for two weeks, we hadn't been separated for this long in the eight years we were together and it was horrible. Horrendous, dreadful, ghastly, really there weren't enough words to describe how hard it was being away from her. I missed movie night, weekly yoga, cooking dinner for her and even shopping, I just missed her and it was awful.

Jake and Nessie's house on the outskirts of Zelarino in Venice was rustic but beautiful in its simplicity. It technically belonged to Edward and Bella, but they hadn't lived here for quite a while, and in their time away the original the home had been extended to include a veranda almost the size of the original villa and a garage that dwarfed it. The original structure still held its beauty, though, and I loved it. It was my first real home after running away from La Push for the last time, and being back gave me a feeling of calm.

She was in the garage, I knew she would be before I even got there. She loved it in there among the smell of fuel and exhaust, and I rushed inside. I tried to stay calm but even the sight of her legs dangling from under the car made my stomach lurch. Then I heard it. Her soft raspy sobs from under the car. I wanted to dive, pull her out and cradle her like a baby, but even as a child I didn't get that opportunity, because Elena didn't cry and this is what made it worse. I had made her cry. I had hurt her and in turn I hurt myself, even worse.

She was one of the strongest women I had ever met, next to my mother there was no one tougher and more beautiful or eloquent, and, god if I didn't see her right now I was going to burst because I thought I was strong but I'm not. I'm just a bitch and I was far too in love with her to leave. So yes, that was going to be my strategy. I had no idea what would happen with us, but I had to beg her, no matter what I had to beg her not to leave me again, because I couldn't live without her. I can't make it alone.

Elena, while half-shapeshifter and part vampire possessed no heightened senses, meaning she was oblivious to my position by the door. If I were a stronger man, I would have been able to run away and give her time to cry, and while I didn't want to embarrass her, I couldn't stand another minute away from her.

"Is something wrong with my car?" Lame opening lines to what might well be the end. Our last fight. We fought often, stupid things, little things but the passion was always there. She was a passionate person and the way her face changed when we argued or when we debated about anything, no matter how insignificant, it made me love her more. The fire in her green eyes was powerful enough to demolish an entire forest.

It was hard to get her from under the car, she would never admit to crying. Once she was out though, her face covered with grease streaks from attempting to wipe her eyes with black stained hands, I fell yet again even harder in love. She was so much more beautiful then I remembered her. I wiped her face clean with moist wipes, letting my fingers trace her cheek, her skin was cool and silky and if I didn't say it now I was going to punk out.

"You're my best friend...I don't know what's happening, and I want to give you whatever you need, but I'm begging you not to push me away… I have nowhere else to go." And my speech did not come out even remotely as I planned on the way here.

She watched me with her beautiful puffy green eyes, turning her head to the side as she sat up on her knees, unzipping her green jumpsuit and pulling it down. I didn't want to stare, seriously I didn't want to objectify her but her body was so amazing I couldn't help but look. The deep indent of her collarbone, the soft valley between her breast, the smooth toned apex of her lightly tanned shoulder blades. Before I could stop staring, she launched herself at me, her soft body pressing flush against mine and it was monumental.

I was so stupid, stupid to think that I felt for Elena what I had for Trisha because really they could not compare, like two different worlds. Holding Elena, smelling her, caressing her delicate back, my arms wrapping around her petite frame pressing her so close my hands almost reached my sides again, it was like the world stopped. I had felt gravity move, twice, but this was as if gravity did not exist and I didn't need it. All I need, needed or would ever need was Elena.


	8. Chapter 8

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 _Chapter 8: Besame Mucho_

 _"Oh this joy is something new, my arms are holding you._

 _I never knew this thrill before."_

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 **Elena**

"Mmmm, that smells good," my dad said entering the kitchen where Ethan and I were cooking dinner. Actually I was just watching, I'm not a good cook—I grew up with vampires so I never really had anywhere to learn.

Ethan was a great cook though, he always made everything special just for me. Tonight was spicy lime chicken with jalapeño rice and corn salsa. It smelled delicious.

"It'll be done in twenty minutes," he said turning around, my mom's adorable frilly apron covering his white undershirt.

"You smell like fuel exhaust," my dad said kissing the top of my head.

"Okay. Got the hint dad, I'm showering," I said rushing out the kitchen throwing Ethan one last glance before I left. He watched me go, a small blush creeping on the apple of his cheeks. Once I was out the room, I dashed up the stairs, my heart pounding so hard I could feel it in my ears.

Our hug wasn't like a normal hug, not like any hug I had ever had before at least. It was so warm and his hand resting on the small of my back was almost electric. The way his eyes lit up, almost as if they were on fire when we parted, it made my knees weak and I was still recovering.

When I got upstairs I took a cold shower, it was the kind of thing you always saw in movies but in practice it was pretty much useless. I was still burning, I never wanted anything so bad in my life—I didn't even know what I wanted for sure, but I did know it included his hands on my body. My sex education was minimal, I didn't know the step between kissing and fornication but I wanted all of that, I didn't want to miss anything.

When I finished showering I blow-dried my hair, it was getting too long—even though it was very curly it still reached my lower back and it was difficult to wash. I wanted to cut it, but I worried that Ethan wouldn't like it, he always played with my hair when we watched movies or read together.

I hurried washing everything in a fever pitch so I could get back to Ethan, I wanted to be in the same room, my whole body was screaming for it but I was nervous. It was silly, for almost my entire life I have had Ethan by my side, he was a constant fixture but now he made my hands sweat. I don't know why I was so nervous but I was. I kept my hands busy with a quick swipe of makeup: mascara, eyeliner and lip-gloss although I rarely bother with makeup.

"Knock knock," my mom said sliding into the bathroom from my room with a large white box.

"Hey," I smiled, tightening my robe and following her out of the bathroom into the bedroom.

"Alice sent this yesterday, for Ethan's homecoming. She told me to tell you if you didn't wear heels with it she would know," my mom said ominously.

"Heels?" I whined and she giggled heading to my closet. "Open it," she urged coming back out the closet with a pair of gold Versace strappy heels I had received as a well-intentioned Christmas present from Rosalie the year before.

I had a closet full of things I never wore, including at least twenty pairs of shoes I couldn't walk in because while I was part vampire I had not inherited the grace or coordination. I was told that my clumsiness and the curl of my hair were the only things I inherited from my grandmother Bella, unfortunately they were two of my worst qualities, thanks gran!

I turned to the box with trepidation, Alice's idea of an appropriate outfit for a welcome home dinner was probably made of material I couldn't even pronounce and cost a year's salary of two migrant workers in Tibet. Ethan had a special connection with Tibet and I knew more facts about their hardships than most scholars on the subject. We visited the year before last and the experience was heartbreaking for Ethan. I remember the horror filled eyes like it was yesterday and the helplessness I felt when he cried. Ethan like me, didn't cry often, so I held his hands and wished away the pain—I never felt so strong about a cause in my life. It was thrilling and terrible all at once, sharing Ethan's passion, but truly seeing the injustices he fought against. He was amazing and strong and compassionate and oh god so sexy!

"Open it!" My mother cried again. I flipped it open, lifting up the pink paper on top with a sigh. I would dell whatever was inside to the resale shop once I wore it, and give the money to Ethan for his charity pot. He kept a shoebox in his room and percents of anything he made went in there. At the moment Ethan was actually the only working member of our family, I admired that about him. My family had made enough money through stocks and investments to allow us a few lifetimes of luxury, but Ethan still insisted on paying his way.

"So do you like the dress or not?" My mother asked looking over at it. It was a two-tone yellow sundress. Yellow has always been my favorite color and I smiled as I pulled the dress out of the box. It wasn't sexy like a lot of the clothes Alice picked out of me, it had a fitted top and flowing bottom and it wasn't excessively short, but it was beautiful. Just holding it against myself I was amazed at how naturally it went with my light tan and black hair, Alice always knew how to pick the perfect outfit for me, but it was much more formal than I usually went for at a family dinner.

"These should work with that," my mom said passing the shoes to me. She was much better with these kinds of things than me, in fact all the women in my family including my grandma Bella were better at these kinds of things than me. Did I mention she has no style sense and Alice has to do all of her shopping?

"Don't you think this is a little much for dinner at home?" I said fingering the soft material.

"Don't get mad, okay?" She called as I went into the bathroom to change.

"What? What's going on? Are the Dracula twins coming because they give me the creeps and I don't think I want to wear anything so low cut with them around," I called back, zipping myself up. The dress was beautiful, the kind of dress I would admire in the store but never feel comfortable buying knowing that I could feed a village for a day with that amount of money.

"Rosalie set the veranda dining table for two," she said turning to look out the door as if Rosalie were likely to pop out at any moment, and as if on cue she did. Rosalie floated into the room in all of her glory, appraised me and smiled.

"How about you and dad?" Rosalie and my mother both ignored the question fussing over me.

"You look beautiful. Here, I thought you might need something for your hair," Rosalie said carefully arranging a gold clip with big green stones that matched my eyes on one side of my head near my temple. "You need more makeup," she sighed sadly and headed for my bathroom.

"I don't think I understand why I need makeup for dinner with my family," I said slowly, trying to keep my face still as Rosalie applied more makeup.

"Dinner with Ethan," Rosalie said as if she were annoyed with my stupidity, but I seriously had no idea what was happening.

"It's a date honey," my mom said from behind me as Rosalie cooed about the beautiful green of my eyes.

"A date? Does Ethan know that?"

"Your dad's telling him now," my mom said softly from behind me.

"And how does he feel about that?" I said nervously my hands starting to shake.

"If you two don't do it already, someone's going to explode from all the sexual tension in the room," Rosalie said with an entirely straight face.

"Do what?" I cried, pushing her hands away from my face. I turned around trying to find my mother, she sat chuckling in the corner of my room, her hand covering her mouth.

"Sex. I taught you about it already," Rosalie scoffed from behind me. Just the mention of that disturbing conversation made my palms sweat. Rosalie took me to Portugal for the weekend just before my tenth birthday with Alice and grandma Bella. It was supposed to be a girl's weekend but it basically turned into an eye opening experience where I was cornered by Rosalie with a detailed run down of sex that would scar me for life.

"Okay, maybe not sex, you could you know start with a kiss," my mom said sarcastically, rolling her eyes at Rosalie.

"Okay, I sense a good mother daughter moment so I'm leaving. Good luck honey," Rosalie sighed kissing my cheek and wandering out the room. I didn't like the direction this conversation was going. Ethan and I had one hug where I felt that maybe, possibly he felt the same way about me and now I was going to get "the talk" again?

"We're not going to have sex. I'm not even sure if he likes me, so can I just go have dinner and pretend this never happened?"

"You're both being more than a little dense so let me just spell it out for you. He's in love with you. He's been in love with you for three years, maybe more and if both of you keep waiting for the other to make the first move you're going to be waiting forever because Ethan won't force it. So, go get him, tiger," she cried, pushing me towards the door, I stumbled on my heels rushing to get to him.

Did she know for sure? Was she privy to some inside Ethan information? I almost broke my ankle on the bottom stair and I ripped them off in frustration breaking into a barefoot run. He wasn't in the kitchen, I ran through the front crashing into Emmett.

"Whoa Little Bit," he called chuckling but I didn't stop, doubling back through the kitchen and out the back door.

"Ethan!" It was dark all around me, but I could smell him. I didn't have to track him, not that I was very good at that kind of thing, he was at my side in seconds, grabbing my arms with a worried expression.

"Are you—wow…" he broke off, his eyes roaming my body, self confidence aside, I never felt so self-conscious in my life. His eyes burned into me, hotter than his hands on my bare arms.

"Do you like it?" My mouth was getting drier by the second. Kiss him. Kiss him. Kiss him.

"Elena, you—" I didn't want to fight. I didn't want to misunderstand or miscommunicate, I just wanted him.

I threw my arms around his neck crashing my lips against his, they were soft and warm and gone too quick. He pulled away, his hands settling on either side of my hips, I could feel hit heat radiating through the soft fabric.

"Oh," he moaned, his eyes searching mine.

"Sorry?" I didn't know what else to say, I felt like the biggest idiot in the world.

"Sorry? You didn't—I… can we do that again?" he whispered, breathing in my ear, my entire body tingling.

"Please."


	9. Chapter 9

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 _Chapter 9: And I Love Her_

 _"She gives me everything._

 _And tenderly the kiss my lover brings,_

 _She brings to me._

 _And I love her."_

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 **Ethan**

As soon as Elena left the kitchen my body turned to follow her. I was cooking, but without her watching I forgot what I was supposed to be doing.

"Ethan?" Jake's voice from the kitchen counter pulled me back.

"Uhm…" I couldn't even make an intelligible sound.

Our hug had disarmed me. The way she held me, she hadn't done it since she started to mature… physically. But she held me, not like a friend providing comfort, she held me like a girlfriend, I hadn't had that kind of affection since Trisha and I had said our goodbyes, but I didn't forget what it felt like.

"Man, you two got it bad," he chuckled, motioning for me to sit.

"What?" I sat staring at him and he rubbed his forehead in annoyance, ogling me.

"Dude. In love. The two of you," he sighed loudly, waiting for me to speak but I didn't exactly know the appropriate response. Paul had always hated me because of my involvement with Trisha, and Jake was much scarier.

"In love is a… well that is to say… No sir. Not in love. I mean I love her, but—"

"Sure, sure. Okay, so I thought I was going to have this conversation with you earlier, but you're a better man than me," he said reaching his long arm across the table and whacking my arm.

"What do you mean?" I asked dumbly. I really had no idea what angle to go at this with.

"Well, I was ready to kick your pretty-boy ass if you touched Elena before she was… fully mature, but you did much better than me. I didn't make it till Nessie's seventh birthday, hell, we barely cleared six."

"Pretty boy? Jake, I'm not sure what this conversation is supposed to be exactly but we haven't done anything and if you want me to…wait or something, then of course I would respect that," I said trying not to let my sweaty palms give me away.

"No, not exactly the kind of conversation I was trying to have with you. I normally wouldn't be the one telling you this, but since you're part of my pack, I'm going to give you the same advice given to me by your dad and Sam—and Emmett, oddly enough. Just do it. Understand?" Jake said crossing the room to flip the chicken I had forgotten about.

"Ah, I'm not trying to be dense or anything, but no."

"Ethan, please don't make me spell it out. Rosalie and Emmett are setting up a candle lit dinner. It's a date, I'm sure you've had one before, so just don't fuck it up, okay?" He said his head nodding in encouragement. He patted my back roughly as he left and I finished dinner in silence, leaving Emmett to arrange it outside as I changed. This wasn't the first date I had ever been on but it sure felt like it.

"Knock, knock," Rosalie said lazily as she barged into my room,

"Yes, Rosalie?"

"Here," she said with a roll of her creepy amber eyes, tossing me a pair of jeans and a small black shirt.

"Um, Rosalie. I don't think this is mine," I said examining the shirt that looked more suitable for Rosalie than me.

"It's supposed to show off your…body," she hissed waving her hand dismissively and exiting just as she entered, with an arrogant prance.

I did as I was told, stuffing myself into the small shirt and low hanging jeans, feeling increasingly more self conscious as I met Emmett outside.

"Looking good, Fabio," he called wriggling his eyebrows at me.

"Thanks, Em."

"So, did Jake give you the talk?" he asked gesturing emphatically.

"Yeah, about that—"

"Oh, no time for instructions my man, she's coming," he said, punching my arm with a wink and running back inside. I tried to stay calm, counting my breaths, but when I got to twenty, I heard her scream.

"Ethan!" I ran to her.

Her skin was wondrous, a shade that lie exactly between my deep tan and her mother's alabaster glow. At times, when you catch her in direct sun you can see her shimmer as if kissed by gold, and now in the moonlight looking down at her petite frame, draped in vibrant yellow, she was like my own personal sun. With a taste of temerity, I grabbed her, my hands gently grasping her arms.

"Are you—wow…" I was speechless, her glowing beauty destroying my vocabulary.

"Do you like it?" She asked timidly.

"Elena, you—" And I had prepared myself to tell her, to cross every line I made with her but she stopped me, throwing her arms around me and pressing her lips to mine.

I had dreamt of it, of the soft perfection of her lips, but my imagination had been severely inadequate. I couldn't have ever imagined how amazing this would have felt, but it was like complete calm. As if the world around me had been screaming and her lips had finally brought silence. I pulled away, almost as an experiment and instantly regretted it.

"Oh."

"Sorry?" She said quickly, her hands lifting to embrace herself. She was blushing, a soft pink glow rushing to her cheek.

"Sorry? You didn't—I… can we do that again?" I didn't have it in me to explain to her how much I loved her without another kiss first.

"Please," she whimpered. I lifted her up, my hand resting firmly on the deep indent of her back as I kissed her again. She took my bottom lip between hers sucking softly before letting her tongue poke through, grazing my lip before entering my mouth. She tasted like lemon and I pulled her tighter, my free hand trailing down her back to her soft round bottom, she moaned grinding her body against me.

"Elena," I spoke against her lips as her hands found their way into my hair tugging lightly as I pulled away. She moaned in playful disappointment but I kept her wound tightly in my arms.

"Ethan, is this real?" Her eyes were frantic almost begging. I nodded, smiling slightly before I kissed her again, one soft kiss on her pink lips.

"I love you, Elena."

When you dread something, truly dread something the way I dreaded saying those words, it becomes like a wall; a huge wall standing in the way of everything. I didn't care what she said in response or what happened next, because just saying the words changed everything for me, but of course it was all that much better when she leaned in to kiss me again, whispering in the sweetest voice, "I love you more."


	10. Chapter 10

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Epilogue

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The night was perfect, fireflies glowing in inconsistent tempos like a lackadaisical light show illuminating the purple sky. The table had been set by Rosalie in what I assumed was supposed to be a romantic and whimsical style but I barely saw it. Elena's dress captivated me, vibrant yellow, the gold and emerald clip in her hair, so like the green of her eyes, glued my eyes to her, I was free to stare and I was taking advantage of it.

That yellow dress was going to break me, for way too long I had been trying not to notice the feminine curves of her body, and I had been successful, but Alice and her fashion sense were going to be my doom. It didn't show much of her body, I had seen her in bathing suits, bikinis even, but something about the way that yellow cocktail dress hugged her breasts and waist, belling out but suggesting the beauteous swell of her hips was too much for me.

I have never been so uninterested in food in my entire life. Before I became a wolf, my appetite could only be described as healthy, and even though I couldn't remember when or what I last ate, I couldn't bring myself to look away from her long enough to eat.

On the table there was a simple centerpiece, two flowers in a similar yellow to that of her dress, but it blocked my view and as if she was reading my mind, she pushed it aside, leaning over to grab it and giving me the most subtle view of her honey cast tanned cleavage.

I tried to return to my food but settled for watching her as she ate; it was just as satisfying. She played with her food, moving it around and taking small bites here and there, but not with the usual vigor she gave my food, or all food really. I loved the way she ate, with absolutely no shame. When I was writing my doctoral dissertation, I moved on campus to stay close to the library, and while I was there I noticed something I loved about Elena more than anything else, having grown up slightly secluded, she didn't get caught in the pit-falls of being a girl; she was just Elena. She didn't feel like she needed to wear make-up, prance around in high heels that hurt her back or eat meekly, she ate like a wolf and it was endearing.

"Is it okay?" I asked motioning to the food but not taking my eyes off of her.

"Yeah, it's great," she said dreamily, her fork almost missing her mouth as she shoveled more food in without looking.

"You are so beautiful," I sighed, examining her glossy black hair and shocking green eyes. I hate that compliment normally, beauty meant so little on the scale of importance, but she was so striking at times it hurt to look at her.

As I watched her, the warm sea breeze filling the night, her heart sped erratically and mine swelled. It was hard to believe that I had this kind of effect on her, I didn't deserve it, but then I was the luckiest bastard alive. Her fork clattered loudly on the plate, the only sound besides the wind as she dropped it, standing quickly.

In the sense of vampire abilities and speed, she was pretty much human, so I was surprised when she made it into my lap before I could even blink, pulling my face down to hers and kissing me hungrily.

"You are so—so—so sexy," she panted between kisses, her hands traveling up and down my chest where tension was growing so powerful it was becoming hard to breathe.

"I'm not sure I can handle hearing you say that word right now." The earnest panting of the word 'sex' coming past her soft citrus tasting lips instantly made me hard; my warm member pressed into her hip as she sat across my lap. She bit her bottom lip and I grabbed her waist attempting to move her away from it.

"Is it just sexy or does the word sex do it too?" She asked, boldly glancing down at my erection.

"Oh Shit! I'm sorry," I apologized standing and scurrying to get her off of my lap, and that's when I heard it; Emmett and Jake's loud carrying laughs filling the house.

My mouth opened wide in horror and Elena, who couldn't hear them inside laughing, took it as embarrassment. I was far past embarrassment, I was in the land of complete mortification, and it got worse when she closed the distance between us again uttering words that in any other situation would have brought me to my knees, but now made me want to crawl into a hole.

"I like it. I can't wait to see it," she said honestly.

Other than kissing that stupid European douche, Elena didn't have any experience with men. She knew the biology of it, I was there when they showed her diagrams and gave her models from Carlisle's old office, but in many ways, she was ignorant to the ways of physical love, not that I was an expert or anything.

"I—I, um…me too?" I said uncertainly, the laughing inside stopped and I couldn't help but smile; cosmic punishment for eavesdropping, they now had to think about the inevitable consummation of our relationship.

"Was that too forward?" she asked shyly brushing her curly black hair behind her ear.

Before I could answer Emmett arrived, dropping a basket of bread and growling at me. I got the hint, a few kisses would be all we could have for awhile and I was okay with that, but Elena wasn't.

After about ten straight dates which all started, included and ended with kisses, she started to push for more. It wasn't that she had to push hard, I would have done anything she wanted, any time of the day, but it was hard in a house full of vampires.

She initiated everything, I didn't know what she wanted, and I would have enjoyed anything she did, so she started us, every night something new. First innocently, with her gliding my hand down to her behind, which I kneaded eagerly through the thin material of her nightgown and it progressed, to groping of all areas.

The next big step was under the clothes, swiping my fingers across her sensitive nipples, running my nails, down the exposed skin of her back.

When she finally got so frustrated she jammed my hands into her pants, I was so worked up by the sweet scent of her arousal, I stopped worrying about the noises she made and started to live for them. She made little squeals of delight, grinding against my hand as I slipped my middle finger inside of her, rubbing her clit with the palm of my hand. Every time she finished, clenching hard on my hand, I hurt, it'd been a month, a month of touching and kissing—I couldn't last much longer.

The family wasn't pleased. Jake couldn't look me in the eyes anymore, and Rosalie was worse, hissing and giving me a wide berth whenever I walked in the room. We were planning to move back to our home in France with Alice and Jasper, but there was still the awkward question of propriety. What was okay to do with your soulmate while you lived in a house where everyone could hear you? Could we stay in the same room? Even holding her the whole night would have been better than these rushed touches.

"Marriage," Carlisle said the word but did not elaborate; he left it at that, like a prompt for my contemplation for the next five weeks till I asked her. It didn't take me five weeks to decide, I was so in love with her I would have married her the second our lips first touched, but I was struggling with how to ask her. I just went for it.

"Marry me." The first major move I made in our relationship and she laughed. A good full minute at least, she clutched her bare belly, her breast bouncing as she giggled. We were in her room, which was simple, creamy white and purple, her soft cotton bedspread under us as her family hunted and we played.

"Okay, maybe not…" I said rolling off of her, she pulled me back.

"Yes, of course Ethan, of course. You looked so cute when you asked, baby," she giggled wrapping her legs around my hips pulling me closer to her.

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes, yes, yes! So please… don't waste this hour or so we have of freedom," she begged, reaching behind her back and unclipping her bra.

Perfect, I thought every part of her was perfect but her breast was especially perfect.

"So…wow," I never failed to make an idiot of myself when Elena was concerned.

"Thanks."

I tried to take it slow, very slow, to let her feel and try everything, but I hadn't been with a woman for almost a decade and she made sounds, lots of little sounds that made all of the hairs on my arm stand on end.

I kissed down her body from her dark pink nipple down the valley between her breasts, a pit stop at her belly button, which I licked a circle around making her thrust, pressing her arousal soaked panties press against my chest.

"Ethan!" She screamed when my tongue dipped under the band of her pale yellow underwear.

"Are you okay?" I asked, eyeing her as I hooked my thumbs on either side of the lacy yellow material that kept her clothed, however partial. Such a small piece of material, tiny but it made all the difference in the world.

She bit her lip, so hard I thought she might start bleeding before she urged them off, pushing my fingers to glide them down her thighs. They were lightly tanned like the rest of her and so soft it felt like touching silk. She spread for me almost automatically and I traced my fingers up and down her folds, resting my thumb on her button of nerves. She pushed against me whimpering as I rubbed clockwise in tiny circles.

"Shit!" I love it when she swore and arched and flexed and moaned. Every deep guttural moan made me shudder. I licked slowly along her folds where she tasted like se and with every soft flick of my tongue, she clawed into my shoulders.

She couldn't wait and I didn't fight it, I helped her undress me slipping inside of her when she gave me the okay.

Fire. She was wet, burning hot and wet and tight around me. Our body heat, her eyes burning into mine, perfection. It hurt, fingers didn't prepare her, not completely, but she didn't whine, and she didn't want me to stop.

She spread her legs wide, her feet placed flat on the mattress, her pelvis angled up at my thrust. I put my right hand on her hip and used the other to keep myself upright, trying to thrust myself as deeply as I could go, she screamed.

"Harder, please," she begged biting hard on my neck till I complied.

"I love you," I breathed in her ear adjusting so I could pick up speed.

"I love you," she cried, pulling at my hair. I angled my pelvis down hitting rough against her clit with every thrust making her release tiny whining sounds until she rocked a spasm that made me float. She constricted tight and hard around me, holding me tight for long enough to bring me with her.

When the deep, loud breathing stopped we heard them, Rosalie, Emmett and Jake by the smell. They weren't laughing this time.


End file.
